Whats In A Name?

There is nothing more frustrating than forgetting a name, especially one you just heard a moment ago. Or you are at a conference and this smiling face comes up to you and says "Shahriar! How are you? Its been a long time!" and you are thinking to yourself I know this guy, whats his name again? And the impression it leaves on the person is pretty bad, somewhere between disappointment and feeling insulted...
Plenty of business deals and romantic evenings have been foiled because someone failed to recall the right name at the right time. In the Web age e-mail and social networks offer safe harbor; being able to use someone's name (and pronounce it correctly) in a face-to-face situation can set you apart.

I have to admit, this is not a recurring problem for me because I learnt a long time ago that remembering a name is important. It makes a huge impression on people and says a lot about who you are as a person, a leader, a colleague or a professional.

My lesson came when our CEO was holding a team meeting in our Brussels office and I asked a question. He couldn't remember my name and was visibly irritated with himself (as well as my question). His response was short and harsh (I asked him if rumors were true our company was going to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins and he responded why in the hell would we want to do that?). Two days later he called me and apologized for not remembering my name. I was impressed that he would take the time to call and apologize, it said a lot about him as a leader and a person. It made me want to follow him over the hill that much more.

But most people struggle with remembering names. When we first meet someone we're taking in so much visually and emotionally. They say their name, but it's up there floating in our heads. Making matters worse are all the single-syllable American male names, like Dave, Mike or John, that tend to blend together. There are tricks to remembering names. Master even one or two and you'll be in good shape. You can find a list of them all over the internet, and there are some good books out there on the subject.

For me its simply about making the person's name what I call a 'stop point' in the interaction. I stop and focus all my attention when I am introduced to someone and they say their name. It doesn't matter who the person is, what their status or role, I always hone in when a person tells me their name, I repeat it (especially if its hard to pronounce) and make sure I am looking them in the eye so I can register their face as I hear and say their name. It works for me, but like I said, there are many tricks and methods out there.

I'll leave you with a story that prompted me to blog about this topic. This past Sunday I met a family here in Las Vegas through a friend. I met this couple, he is an investor and an anesthesiologist. We had dinner with his brother, a full time gambler, and their dad, a very successful New Yorker who splits his time between Vegas, New York and Florida. Here is the thing - when I met each of them they all asked me to repeat my name, they pronounced it to make sure it was correct, and then proceeded to use my name throughout the evening when addressing me.

Now when you go through life with a name like Shahriar - pronounced Sherry-R - you kind of get used to people slaughtering your name or just avoiding saying it ("Hey man" or "Dude" were common replacements when growing up). But there was something a lot more purposeful about this family of intelligent, successful and interesting people when they took the time and effort to learn my name. It left me with an incredible impression, and it made me think how most people graze over names when meeting someone, especially with all the colorful names we have today.

I was reminded one more time about the importance of remembering a name when I watched the 1987 classic Wall Street the other night. Gordon Gekko focuses on Charlie Sheen's name when they meet for the first time. And he knows the names of everyone in a restaurant as he makes his way out the door later in the movie, working the room like the deal maker he is. Gordon Gekko is back later this year in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, and I'm sure he remembers everyone's name.