A Relationship Story - Our Legacy in the Stories People Tell: Guest Post

I was talking about my Great Grandfather the other night with my Dad. I know very little about the man that everyone in my extended family still raves about. "He was a great man" my cousin says every time I visit him in San Diego. "He fed the British army during World War II when they were stationed in Iran" my Grandmother used to say. "Rahim Khan was a great man!" people who knew him say. Yet my Great Grandfather was not a Rockefeller, a politician or a celebrity. He was a hard working man from the North of Iran who worked night and day his entire life to raise 7 kids (5 boys and 2 girls), farm his lands and produce enough food to feed the villages and towns that were in the North of the country.

How I would have loved to know Rahim Khan. From the relationships he built and the actions he took throughout his lifetime I have come to realize why 45 years after his death people still remember my Great Grandfather as a great man. Its not that he was perfect, or a leader, or a patron of any kind. It was that he treated people with respect, dignity and honor while going about his business of managing his farms and lands very seriously. This is the mark of a great man in my view. And while we may not see or hear about these characteristics much in the media these days, everyone of us has incredible stories and experiences that have taught us about what it takes to be a great person. Think about your stories and share them with others, especially your children and family. I wish I had learnt more about my Great Grandfather earlier in my life.

And it is with this in mind that I am pleased to share a guest post from Jeff Black, Managing Principal Consultant at McDermott & Bull Executive Search in Irvine, CA. Jeff's relationship story is both personal and significant in that it reminds us of the human perspective to everything we do every day. It will inspire you I'm sure as it did me. As professionals I think we generally lack the right dose of emotional intelligence especially when it comes to the people we interact with daily. As you read Jeff's post keep in mind how this one simple thing can be difference in your personal and professional life.

A Relationship Story - Our Legacy in the Stories People Tell

By Jeff Black, Managing Principal Consultant, McDermott & Bull Executive Search on July 13, 2010.

What indelible impressions are we leaving on others? Let’s be honest, we think we’re really important, but even the biggest footprints in the sand wash away by morning.

However, we are creating lasting memories for the people in our lives every day. What will they remember?

My Dad was a great man. No, he wasn’t perfect – how could he be growing up in the Depression with a single Mom, living like nomads until he was an adolescent, moving from relative to relative? And dealing with getting only an 8th grade education, two years in a tent in North Africa serving in World War II, and leaving Alabama for a California entreprenurial dream that was stolen away from him too soon? No, he wasn’t perfect, but he was a great man.

And not because he achieved storybook fame and fortune coming from modest means – not that version of “great”. My Dad worked hard as a 33-year union man with Hughes Aircraft while moonlighting as a watchmaker at home in the evenings – he was always so busy that I appreciated the times he would break away to play catch with his sports-crazed son. No, he didn’t conquer the world, but he was a great man.

And not because he achieved major acclaim in the community by being the President of this or the Grand Poobah of that. He was a valuable part of groups like the Masonic Lodge, and a volunteer par-excellance in all the worlds where my brother and I were involved, but he never “led” anything. No, he was not prominent, but he was a great man.

Now four years after he left us at age 84 I look back on his life and realize what greatness really means. To put it simply - everyone loved my Dad. He has always been remembered so fondly by everyone who knew him – family, friends and the people he worked and volunteered with.

· My brother and I just went to a family reunion in Alabama and everyone raved about how wonderful “Charlie” had been – and the reunion was with our Mom’s side of the family!
· Early in my corporate life at Hughes (where one of his watchmaking customers gave me my first job) I was a brash, energetic, and pretty annoying young guy, but anybody that knew I was Charlie Black’s son immediately treated me like I was okay with them.
· My Dad embodied the true definition of volunteer – I still cherish a special carved hatchet he made for every kid in our tribe as an invitation to a YMCA Indian Guides meeting – where did he find the time to make those while working two jobs? Anything I ever learned about helping others I learned from his example.

I could learn from my Dad’s life that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about persevering through challenges and leaving the campsite cleaner than you found it (both literally and in relationships); I could learn from my Dad that not everyone conquers the world, but working really hard makes a difference to everyone around us in addition to ourselves; I could learn from my Dad that giving our time and talent in a caring way is our greatest volunteer gift – we impact people’s lives whether we are a leader or not.

Maybe it would help us all to remember that the stories people tell, and will tell about us, are most likely about how we made them feel – I truly believe that is our best way to really matter. That’s the kind of greatness we can all truly hope to realize.

Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.

A final tribute to my Dad – this story intentionally coincides with the Angels hosting the MLB All-Star Game. While my brother and I (both life-long Dodger fans) could never really understand it, Dad always loved the Angels and we couldn’t convince him otherwise – like I said, he wasn’t perfect!