Who Are You Spending Your Time With?

I've been relaxing in Zanzibar off the coast of Tanzania the past week. Zanzibar was on a very long list of places I have always wanted to travel. Known as the Isle of Spice, the history and beauty of this place deserves a closer look. I highly recommend you google it and read about what makes this small island nation so unique. From its Islamic roots as a trading post to its unique architecture, Zanzibar has far exceeded any expectations I had when I packed my bags and set off for the 20-hour trip.

But enough about the place, this post is about some of the thoughts one gathers when you are relaxing on a sandy beach overlooking the Indian Ocean and wondering what cocktail to try next. Christmas has always been a time of reflection to me. In the early years of my career, the only time off I took was the five days between Christmas and New Years when the business truly shut down and no one would return calls. You look back on the year and ask yourself all kinds of questions: what did I achieve? What did I learn? What can I do better?

These questions never get old and perhaps the only difference today is that we tend to ask ourselves that question more often than just once a year. At least I hope you do. This year the question that has preoccupied me is am I spending my time with the people I want to?

Given my nomadic background, my close family lives on a different continent from me and to say that I miss them is an understatement. I come from a very close family and, while we have lived apart for many years now, we are extremely close. Like any other relationship, we have all made choices that impact where we live. My parents are committed to living in Europe. I am committed to the US. Reasons don't matter, its the way it is.

But going beyond family, the crux of my question is more about the people we interact with every day. Colleagues, clients, neighbors, friends...Are the people we spend significant time with the right people?

The Zanzibaris are some of the purest human beings I have ever met. A mix of Africans, Indians and Arabs, you wouldn't know it given their behavior towards one another. At first I thought they tolerate each other. But after spending a week here and getting to know many of them, its more than tolerance. Its a basic respect for one another. Zanzibar is primarily Islamic, yet the muslim walking in the mosque stops to wish me a Merry Christmas.

"Its Jesus' birthday today!" he yells with a big smile on his face. "Merry Christmas!"

I learnt at an early age that you have to be extremely picky about the people you associate with. I know, it sounds arrogant. But I don't really care, I remember too many so called 'friends' of my parents taking advantage of their good nature when I was young. I have always been extremely choosy about who I call friend, who I share my time with and who I let in my personal circle. Family members don't get a pass either, plenty a cousin, aunt or uncle felt my size 11 boot up their rear end as I threw them out of my circle. Who you spend time with is important.

And so as I look back on 2011 I feel blessed to have met some great people and spent time with them. My partners in our business are truly high quality people who are about doing the right thing no matter what. I can't think of a finer group of people to work with around the world. And the new friends I have made this year are just as amazing. Having spent time at the Leaf and Bean in Pittsburgh, you meet some unique individuals from all walks of life.

From the 74 year-old entrepreneur launching another ambitious business to the Haliburton exec building his own cigar brand on the side to the owner of the bakery round the corner, high quality people come in all shapes and sizes. I am very thankful for having incredibly high standards when it comes to people I spend time with.

Too many folks don't think about this question. We have a choice as to who we spend time with, who we let in our circle, and who we don't. Quality of life is not just about how much money you make, how many things you can buy etc. Its about who you spend your time with (and who you don't).

Interestingly we ponder this question when it comes to choosing a mentor or coach. Several organizations I am involved with try to engineer mentorship programs, but I have always believed mentors are more impactful when the relationship develops naturally. 

I recall early in my career I was assigned a mentor by the company who was simply horrendous in my view. Arrogant, pompous, and extremely frustrated, this Director and I were not meant to be. It left a very bad taste in my mouth when it comes to forced mentorship programs that some companies promote. The situation changed later when some terrific leaders took notice of my hard work and took me under their arm. They made a true difference in my life and continue to do so today.

Friends are no different. By holding a high standard, especially as adults, we attract the right people and avoid the bad. Take a few minutes to think about this question as you relax over the holidays and prepare for what will likely be another massive year for you and the world.