I have always believed in being 100% transparent with everyone around me, and to deal with the consequence of that transparency. I once heard a saying "the problem with people who say what they mean is they think everyone else does too." There is a lot of truth in that statement. I know from experience. But in the spirit of staying true to my core belief of speak your mind, I wanted to reach out to you and get help with a dilemma that has just presented itself.
Today I received an invitation to connect from a former customer. This guy was a senior executive at one of the largest global companies in the world back in the 1999-2002 period, and was a pioneering customer for us at an internet start-up I was with. After 3 years of serving this customer and being recognized as one of their top suppliers for quality of service and value, the customer decided to leave and go with another start-up using a different model. The exit was brutal and in retrospect the client, led by this executive, was extremely unprofessional in how they left (not why they left). Note: years later the client and the start-up they went to had to pay several million dollars to us for taking our IP and technology to the start-up. In short, the whole experience was a colossal screw-up and this particular executive left the company not too long after.
Now all of the above is history and you might say just what happens in business. There is some truth to that. But my issue goes back to a meeting we had in Europe with this executive just prior to their announcement they were leaving us. In the meeting this guy was rude, aggressive and extremely unprofessional. The meeting was just a formality, but this guy was really enjoying sticking it to us. At the time I thought perhaps he was jealous of our massive IPO - it was the internet bubble days after all. I can honestly say no one had ever treated me so unprofessionally at a personal level before or since. I left the meeting thinking if thats how top executives of Fortune 100 companies behave then I need to do something else with my life.
Today I enjoy what I do professionally and live strictly by my own rules that life is too short to have a 'job". You have to do what you love and if you fall out of love then get out. I don't work for money. I work for personal satisfaction, and I'm not a career minded person - I couldn't give a hoot about titles. I'm more of what you might call a "corporatpreneur". Companies, small and big, hire me to get things done. I don't play the politics, I'm not aspiring to be CEO, and I never sugar coat a situation. You don't like it, fire me. I have no time to play the games companies often play. My approach delivers results and thats all that matters to me and whoever has engaged me. Along the way I make sure we all have fun.
So that brings me to my dilemma. I feel like writing back to this guy who asked to connect to me on LinkedIn and basically say you have a short memory of our last meeting, don't contact me again. He deserves no less in my opinion. He has probably forgotten the circumstances of our last meeting. I haven't. But etiquette says either politely decline the offer or just accept it and move on. After all, who knows what opportunities there are for you and this guy to perhaps work together again.
What do you think? I'm seriously leaning towards my gut feel to tell him exactly what I think of him. Playing the game of "everyone is a connection in my network" just feels dirty to me. I like people to know exactly where they stand with me, naively wishing I knew where I stand with everyone too. Honest man's syndrome. On the other hand, I have truly had people from my past surprise me big time in my present. You really don't know what a relationship can bring. What to do?
Shoot me your thoughts on this. I want to get back to this guy before the weekend. Cheers!
Today I received an invitation to connect from a former customer. This guy was a senior executive at one of the largest global companies in the world back in the 1999-2002 period, and was a pioneering customer for us at an internet start-up I was with. After 3 years of serving this customer and being recognized as one of their top suppliers for quality of service and value, the customer decided to leave and go with another start-up using a different model. The exit was brutal and in retrospect the client, led by this executive, was extremely unprofessional in how they left (not why they left). Note: years later the client and the start-up they went to had to pay several million dollars to us for taking our IP and technology to the start-up. In short, the whole experience was a colossal screw-up and this particular executive left the company not too long after.
Now all of the above is history and you might say just what happens in business. There is some truth to that. But my issue goes back to a meeting we had in Europe with this executive just prior to their announcement they were leaving us. In the meeting this guy was rude, aggressive and extremely unprofessional. The meeting was just a formality, but this guy was really enjoying sticking it to us. At the time I thought perhaps he was jealous of our massive IPO - it was the internet bubble days after all. I can honestly say no one had ever treated me so unprofessionally at a personal level before or since. I left the meeting thinking if thats how top executives of Fortune 100 companies behave then I need to do something else with my life.
Today I enjoy what I do professionally and live strictly by my own rules that life is too short to have a 'job". You have to do what you love and if you fall out of love then get out. I don't work for money. I work for personal satisfaction, and I'm not a career minded person - I couldn't give a hoot about titles. I'm more of what you might call a "corporatpreneur". Companies, small and big, hire me to get things done. I don't play the politics, I'm not aspiring to be CEO, and I never sugar coat a situation. You don't like it, fire me. I have no time to play the games companies often play. My approach delivers results and thats all that matters to me and whoever has engaged me. Along the way I make sure we all have fun.
So that brings me to my dilemma. I feel like writing back to this guy who asked to connect to me on LinkedIn and basically say you have a short memory of our last meeting, don't contact me again. He deserves no less in my opinion. He has probably forgotten the circumstances of our last meeting. I haven't. But etiquette says either politely decline the offer or just accept it and move on. After all, who knows what opportunities there are for you and this guy to perhaps work together again.
What do you think? I'm seriously leaning towards my gut feel to tell him exactly what I think of him. Playing the game of "everyone is a connection in my network" just feels dirty to me. I like people to know exactly where they stand with me, naively wishing I knew where I stand with everyone too. Honest man's syndrome. On the other hand, I have truly had people from my past surprise me big time in my present. You really don't know what a relationship can bring. What to do?
Shoot me your thoughts on this. I want to get back to this guy before the weekend. Cheers!
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Professionally tell this gentleman that you believe history is a solid predictor of the future. Based on your history with him you have no future together.
ReplyDeleteI am 100% on board with your honesty policy in life. And yes, the quote at the top is accurate. I have failed many times thinking others are honest with me.
ReplyDeleteI also believe in another policy of love and compassion. Yes this man may have crossed you and insulted you. But, if you accept these hurting gifts, you are only propagating that negative energy. It is your choice to accept them or not.
My recommendation is to tell the man how you feel, but that you also believe in the good in people. Thus, you would love to connect with him to hear about his future plans and how you can assist each other.
I've done some really dumb things in my career. As I reflect back on these dumb things, I realize how differently I would handle those same situations today. In most cases, I would handle them very differently today.
ReplyDeleteI would tell this executive how you feel but explain that you look forward to starting a new relationship with him/her.
Pete, Danny and Anonymous...thanks for your comments. In line with a ton I got by e-mail and LinkedIn. Out of 50+ responses so far only two people thought I should provide nutkicks to this guy, and both of them remember the unceremonious months before the exit we endured back in the day.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the most interesting comment came from my friend Marc. An astute Las Vegas business man, this builder of tech businesses thought the right way to handle this guy is to accept his invitation to connect, have a catch up call and THEN kick him in the nuts. I thought this approach the most interesting.
With that said I have to say I believe in all the positive advice and comments everyone shared with me. People change, be the bigger guy, unsolicited feedback is self serving etc. No buts or ands about it.
However (thats not a but or and right?) a good friend of mine always reminds me you can't fight nature. Part of my nature is loyalty and fairness. In business both of these traits go a long way, especially fairness. I have broken up with many suppliers and partners in my day, but I challenge anyone of them to say we were unfair in how we dealt with them. My nature prevents me from leaving it alone.
I'm going to wait a few more days before I decide on whether to nutkick or not to nutkick. Stay tuned...and thank you for your comments!
Hi!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Natalie Sullivan and I'm casting an international travel show about expats moving abroad. We'd love to film in Scotland and wanted to know if you could help us find expats who have moved there within the last 15 months or have been there for 3-4 years, but recently moved into a new home. The show documents their move to a new country and will place the country in fabulous light. The expats on the show would also receive monetary compensation if they are filmed. They must also speak English fluently and can be buyers or renters for their homes. If you'd like more information, please give me a call at 212-231-7717 or skype me at natalieesullivan. You can also email me at nataliesullivan@leopardusa.com. Looking forward to hearing from you.