Balancing It All: Guest Post

Some of the best people I have worked with were women. In fact, of the top five people I have had work for me, 2 of them were female. If I think of the top ten colleagues I have had under me then 5 of the 10 were women. Most were wives and mothers, balancing life at home as well as at work. Yet they performed at the highest levels for me, outperforming their male colleagues in an apples to apples comparison. And let me be clear, my management style is all about accountability so I don't see a difference between male and female team members, old and young or experienced and inexperienced. You are either in the role or not.

As I moved on in my career to new places I often thought back at how amazing some of those former colleagues were in their roles, and it made me wonder how they managed to balance it all. While I know I don't make any difference between a man and a women working for me, and while its politically incorrect to even suggest there are differences (I hate this pc/non-pc nonsense), the fact of the matter is women generally have to balance a lot more than men in the workplace. Its nature. Its part of the beauty of what makes a woman a woman and a man a man.

And what a job these ladies did. I remember one situation when we had signed a multi-year managed service program in the Bay Area that had complexities and challenges written all over it. Our risk as the provider depended heavily on the first 12 months of the program as we transitioned the customer from their current state to the 'to-be' state. I made the decision that I would bring the team we had in London to the US to implement this program. I discussed the idea with the team in London and we made it work. The two executives we brought to the US for that first year were both female, both married and both mothers. They were the best people for the job and they proved it by exceeding all major metrics for the customer and for our company.

And I was discussing the question of how so many women manage to balance everything on their plates and do so well professionally with Loren Slocum, a close friend and personal development coach, leader, speaker and author. Loren is a successful mother, entrepreneur, and a 20-year veteran speaker at Anthony Robbins Companies where she is an authority on the power of living in balance. Through her seminars with Tony Robbins, Loren has helped thousands of people to completely balance themselves, in everything from finances to health, spirituality and relationships. Loren talked me through what it takes to balance everything and, well, have it all.

The following is a blog post that Loren kindly shared with the Nomad Influencer. I strongly recommend you look at Loren's websites (www.lorenslocum.com and www.lobella.com) to learn more about how Loren empowers so many people to achieve the balance they need in their life, regardless if male or female.

Balancing It All

by Loren Slocum

I remember someone once offering the following example: Where’s the first place the heart delivers blood to? Most people say the stomach, or the liver, or the brain. The answer is itself; the heart delivers blood to itself first. So many times we give so much to everyone else that we have nothing to give back to ourselves. How can you embrace life and feel fulfilled when you’re not giving back to yourself?

As a consequence of putting everyone else first, some women reach a point where they feel stressed, empty, confused, numb, even desperate for answers. But instead of trying so hard to bury these feelings, women need to rediscover – or in some cases discover for the first time – who they are at their very core, getting back in touch with what matters most to them.

The thing is, everyone gets lost at some point in his or her life. You have to understand that you’re not alone. Even I’ve been through it.

People often ask me how I manage my crazy life as a wife, mother, business owner, coach, friend, and volunteer with a schedule filled with innumerable projects and nearly constant travel. In fact, it exhausts me just to say all the things I do. But trust me: I’ve had times when I have lost sight of my own needs and played the role of a martyr (how many of you can relate?).

One night when I was eight months pregnant with my first son, Josua, I was in Hawaii leading a team of volunteers and organizing many logistical activities for a nine-day seminar. It had been a long event; most days began at 7:30 a.m. (with a volunteer meeting that I lead) and ended around 1 a.m. Back then I felt I had to be there every second of every minute – there was not time to rest, because I had work to do and only I could do it right! Then after nine days of grueling hours and many miles of walking the “walkalota” hotel, it was 1:30 a.m. and we had to load out right after the end of the event, as another group was moving in the next day. I had organized everyone into different rooms to break down, and then at 3:30 a.m. we were scheduled to meet in the supply room.

My feet were swelling out of my shoes like a cracked-open can of instant biscuits, and I was bone tired. At around 3:15 a.m., I crawled under a 6-foot-long table, used a giveaway shirt as a pillow and the skirting from the table as a blanket and began to give more directions. At 3:25 a.m., I popped out from underneath the table, looked at my team and said, “I am so sorry. I owe you all an apology. I have not served you as a leader. What kind of leader have I been by not taking care of myself or my baby? That is not leadership. I am going to bed, and if you feel the same way I do, please do the same.”

That was a defining moment for me. I realized right then and there, thirteen years ago, that I had to fill myself up first if I expected to be good for anyone else, and I needed to recognize when others needed to take care of themselves and give them the same opportunity. I had been running on empty, expecting to feel, but I wasn’t. And even though I was great at pretending all was fine, it wasn’t, and I did not want to be a warning for my child – I wanted to be a great example for him.

When I was under the table, I thought about how I would want my son to see me. Would I want him to see me as a martyr or as a leader? Now, every day, I have certain things that I will stand for no matter what:

• To always stay true to myself

• To be authentic to the core

• To be the real deal

• To help those who want to be helped

• To remember that my health is my wealth

• To be grateful for my family and friends

• To remember that life is a gift

• To do it with care, do it with love

• To have no regrets at the end of each day.

The old me – the woman who was burned out (even doing something I loved!) from working too hard and trying to do everything herself – wouldn’t recognize the new me. I finally started taking the time to get whole and complete, rediscovering what truly made me happy. I also set parameters around what I would and would not do so that I could create balance. And I found that I felt refreshed and recharged. Now I’m on a mission to help you do the same.

Quick Tuneup: Grab your journal and start writing what you will stand for. It doesn’t have to be a long list. Even if it’s just two things (you can add more later), but make sure they are things you are committed to doing. Make these your priority in order to take care of yourself first.

Excerpted from Loren’s book Life Tuneups